Minimalist Parenting Tips + What It Takes to Parent the Free-Range Way
Minimalist parenting tips for hands-on mothers
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Free-range parenting is better for kids. Still, I find myself needing reminders in the form of minimalist parenting tips every now + then.
That’s because it’s gut-wrenching to watch my daughter struggle or, worse, fail.
Many times I’ve nudged the correct puzzle piece toward her simply because it breaks my heart to see her frustrated.
I’ve caught myself hovering at the playground, standing at-the-ready for any potential misstep.
But it was only recently, when I intervened after a younger child snatched a toy from my daughter’s hands, did she force me to face my own helicopter-like hovering.
I started to butt in; I started to speak. But just then my daughter spun around with animal-like ferocity and hissed, “I can do it mySELF!”
I never thought I’d become a hoverer. No one sets out to be a helicopter mom; it just happens. And it happens because mothers are barraged by immense pressure from all sides.
Societal Pressures
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While parents in many parts of the world advocate a “hands-off” approach to child rearing, here in America, helicopter parenting is standard.
Laissez-faire mothers are often considered negligent in the eyes of the law. In the last four years alone the media has sensationalized the stories of mothers in California, Tennessee, Texas + Florida after they encouraged their kids to play outside without supervision. These moms were subsequently arrested + charged with felony child endangerment or child abuse + neglect.
Peer Pressure
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The sad truth these days is if your child isn’t already ahead, he or she is – unfortunately – behind.
New mothers “must”:
– End dependence on the pacifier before age two.
– Score a coveted spot at the most prestigious preschool.
– Shuffle your preschooler to not one extracurricular activity (gymnastics!) but two or three (swim lessons! art class!) and be on the lookout for signs of genuine skill at one (or hopefully all) of these extracurriculars.
– Read to your child multiple times per day so he or she is an independent reader before the first day of first grade.
Sound familiar? These are just some of the external pressures I’ve faced from my well-meaning + completely awesome peer group, and my daughter is only three years old.
While we’d like to believe the effects of peer pressure are muted after adolescence, research finds that peers continue to have a significant influence on behavior throughout our lifespans.
Peer pressure compounds internal pressure in the form of Mom Guilt: It’s nearly impossible to parent with your best self if you feel perpetually inadequate.
The Pressure to Nurture
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A mother’s gut reaction – to help when help is needed – has withstood the test of time. Indeed, although we’re well past the Stone Age, the Stone Age lives on in our biology.
Every mother desires for her children to reach the outermost limits of their potential, so we strive to offer diverse experiences in hopes that it ensures future successes.
Evolutionary psychologists agree. Mothers have a hard-wired “maternal instinct” to help their children during times of stress.
Our biology has primed us to be our child’s loudest cheerleader, biggest champion+ most fearless bodyguard.
The “tend-and-befriend” hypothesis goes one step further. It argues that stressed mothers place the needs of their children first. While males tend to fight or flee, females spend more time tending to their vulnerable offspring.
“It’s a parent’s job to raise a self-reliant adult. Helicopter parenting produces the opposite.”
Minimalist Parenting Tip #1: Have Courage
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It’s perpetually punishing to live against the grain + that’s why it takes immense courage to parent like a minimalist.
Raising free-range kids isn’t easy, but it’s possible. Furthermore, it’s worth it, because helicopter parenting is a case study in what happens when good intentions have disastrous results.
Decreased confidence and self-esteem, undeveloped coping skills, anxiety and depression are some of the effects of over-parenting, to name a few.
Research supports a hands-off approach to child rearing. A 2015 study found that toddlers who are given both space + opportunity to explore have better relationships with their parents.
Research also argues that freedom enables children to develop a skillset to deal with challenges as they arise. They also develop the confidence to trust their own instincts.
More Minimalist parenting tips to follow:
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Remember there’s big difference between being engaged + being over-engaged. Find the balance that’s right for you.
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Remind yourself that minimalist parents rarely create feral children.
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Be available for your child, but let him or her come to you.
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Encourage your child to solve his or her own problems, whether it’s as simple as a 24-piece puzzle or as complex as being fired from a job.
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Parent with your own voice _ use your gut to guide decisions big + small.
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Remember that it’s a parent’s job to raise a self-reliant adult. Helicopter parenting produces the opposite.
Let your kids struggle a bit. It’s the minimalist way.
